Getting Through the Holidays

It is not easy at the holidays to be going through a big life-changing event.  You have to take it in stride and keep your head up and keep your feet moving in the right direction.  It is not going to be easy for me at Thanksgiving this year because Alexa will be with her dad and not with me.  It is going to be hard since this will be my first holiday without her with me and being that it is the first holiday that I have not been with my ex.  I do not think that I will ever get used to the fact that now I only get to see Alexa for half her life now that I have to split time with her dad.  I am very lucky that Alexa does have a dad that wants to be her in life.  I hate to hear about all the children that only get to be with one of their parents because the other parent does not want to be in their life.  I do not and will not ever be able to understand that.  I made sure that when I left that I found a house a close as possible to my ex so that I could see my daughter whenever I wanted to.  Life is all about change and making the best of life as it comes it you.  You are in control of who you are and who you want to be.  I cannot say it enough how you are the only person in control of your life.  Only you have the power to change what path you take and the way your life turns out.  Life is too short to be bitter and unhappy.  It is really important to be with family and friends at the holidays and be thankful for all the wonderful things that you have in your life.  I love thanksgiving; it is the best holiday.  There is nothing that is expected and no gifts to give.  It is just time to be thankful.  So I hope that this holiday season you take a moment to take a step back and enjoy the beauty in a smile from you family, a hug from your children, or a kind word from a friend.  I also want to realize that there is always some less fortunate and please be thankful for all that you have. 

My Little Angel

What a crazy week.  I did not think that the weekend was ever going to get here.  I tell you when it rains it pours.  It is very easy to let the little things stress you out and cause you to have a bad day or a few bad days in a row.  I hate the feeling of being defeated or overwhelmed.  This is my weekend with my daughter and there is no way to be stressed out or in a bad mood.  When I picked her up from school today she saw me and ran up to me and gave me a big hug.  She is my pride and joy and I love her with all my heart.  She is the reason that I am doing my blog.  I want to be the best I can be for her.  There is nothing better in my day than to see her big smile.  I will always be thankful to my ex-husband for giving me the gift of Alexa.  She is my world and my little angel and I would do anything for her.  It is scary that children grow up so fast.  You must take it all in and enjoy all the little moments.  Everyday she learns something new that just amazes me.  Just this week she has started to call me Mom and not mommy anymore.  I was a little sad to be honest.  Where has my little baby gone.  Well, I am being called now so I will write again after bedtime.  We are going to watch Shrek and eat pizza.  So until next time.  Don’t let life pass you by.

Life is too Short

Life is way too short to be unhappy. You live longer once you realize that any time spent unhappy is wasted. I got some bad news last week.  My uncle past away on Monday from a massive heart attack. He was only 59. It made me take a step back and think about all the things in my life that I take for granted and all the things in my life that I have put on hold because I have been too busy to get to them. I can’t stress enough that you only get one life to live and to make sure that you live to the fullest. One of my favorite quotes by Abraham Lincoln reads, “and in the end, it not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years.”  You never know when your time will be up. You have to life for today not yesterday nor tomorrow. You never want to have to “what if”. Follow your dreams and make sure that you tell the ones that you love just how you feel about them. Never be afraid to show someone how you feel because you might not get the chance later. I have made a vow to never go to bed without saying I love you to my daughter and giving her a kiss goodnight. I always say I love you to my family when I get off the phone with them. We are all very close and I never what them to doubt the way I feel. Turning 30 this year has been a big change for me. I am not getting any younger and I want to make sure that I have no regrets when my time is up. I have dreams to fulfill, adventures to go on, and many memories to make.

Your Happiness is up to you.

Today I was talking with one of my training clients and we were talking about being happy in a marriage or any relationship.  She was telling me that her parents, a few years ago, were going through some rough times.  She noted that her mom was always relying on her dad for happiness.  I have seen many of my female friends and guy friends, for that matter, think the same way.  They rely way too much on their partner to make them happy.  It is hard enough to make yourself happy, and then to have the responsibility to make someone else happy is  too much to put on anyone.  You have to be in control of your own life and happiness.  No one can make you happy but yourself. I am not saying that while in a relationship your significant does not do things for you that make you happy. There will be many times when what they do for you gives you the happiness that you need, but your ultimate happiness comes from within. It should never be the responsibility of someone else to make you happy it will not work. Only you truly know what makes your life worth living. You have to find your passions in life. What makes you tick?  What gives you the desire to wake up every morning?  What puts that smile on your face? Happiness is very infectious. Do not waste one more minute of your life being any other way but happy.

Don’t You Know You are Beautiful!

I hate to say that my track record with men is not very good.  I have been engaged twice, married once, and now divorced.  My first fiancée, I was with for 6 years when I was in high school and in college.  I am a very strong independent woman now but it took me many years after my ex-fiancée to get my self-esteem and confidence back.  He was not physically abusive but very mentally abusive.  He had me believing that I was nothing and that if I left him I would be alone for the rest of my life, because no one would want me.  This is just one more reason that I have such a big place in my heart for personal training.  I started working out in college and it gave me a lot of my confidence that my ex-fiancée took from me.  It is not easy to stand in the mirror everyday when you do not feel good about who you are looking at.  This is why I decided after college to go into personal training.  I wanted to be able to give women all the tools they needed to make sure when they look into the mirror they see the beauty not only on the inside but also on the outside.  I was very lucky to have family that were very supportive of me and that helped me through this time in my life.  My mom told me that what does not kill you only makes you stronger.  At the time I just rolled my eyes but there is a lot of truth in that statement.  I am who I am today because I traveled the path less taken. Which I have to say is not the easy road.  I know that I still have insecurities that I am working through but I never doubt myself.  I know that I am a beautiful women and I deserve all the best that life has to offer me.

The Sisterhood

I have two sisters and I hate to admit that within the last year we have all gotten divorced.  It has not been easy on my family to have to not only go through this once but three times.  We all got divorced for totally different reason but nonetheless we all got divorced.  We try to stay close but my parents did not think that we would be this close.  I am sure that they did not think that all of there girls would be going through this at the same time.  Although we all left for various reasons it is nice to have them to talk to about what I am going through.   I love both of my sisters very much and would do anything for them.  They are not only my sisters but they are my best friends and without them I would not be me.  It is hard since we do not live in the same state but they are my rock and I love them with all my heart.  This blog is written for both of them.  Thank you for always being there when I needed you and being in my corner.   

You are not Alone

I was lying in bed last night and I could not help but think about all the women who were doing the same thing.  It is really hard when you are used to getting in bed every night with someone to go to being alone.  Looking up at the ceiling just does not have the same appeal and cuddling with a body pillow does not do the trick for me.  I was with my husband for 7 years and it has not been easy to make that adjustment.  Let me tell you though, it is an adjustment that I was very willing to make for my own sanity.  The point that I am trying to make is that you are not alone.  There are tons of women just like you who have the same issues.  We are all in this together.  It is the support that we will get from each other that will help.  Having people to lean on will help you to get through this rough time in your life.  It is nice to be able to talk and relate to women who are also going through the same thing or have already gone through it.  I have a passion to help women like myself to feel and be the best person they can be.  One of my training clients told me today that to remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.  Emily Kimbrough wrote this and I could not agree more.  If you are ready to take a journey it is always better to take someone along with you.  The good thing is there are many women right now that are taking the same journey with you but they are doing it alone.  So make sure you grab their hand to let them know we are never alone we have each other.

You are good enough!

I was teaching my boot camp class this past Saturday and one of my clients was talking about her niece.  She is going through a divorce and is having a hard time letting go.  She was made to think that she was not good enough.  I hope that she knows deep down that she is and so are you.  Do not ever believe that you are not good enough.  My ex-husband at times made me feel that I was not good enough also.  I learned the hard way that is was his insecurities that were making me feel that way.  It took me a long time to know in my heart that I was good enough and I promised myself that I would never let any one make me feel that way again.  My ex-husband did not love me know who I was and I finally realized that I could not live like that anymore.  You have to stay true to who you are.  If you change for someone at some point you will resent him.  Being you is the only way to live and be truly happy.  Remember to never live for anyone else you must live for yourself.  Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  ~Judy Garland

Love is not enough!

I know that it is nice when someone says I love you (if they mean it).  The words I love you are very easy to say.  Too many people use them as a pawn to get what they want.  I do believe that someone can say I love you and mean it but not really know how to show you.  Actions speak so much louder than words.  When it comes down to it; love is not enough.  The action behind I love you are what really matter.  You need support and understanding, intimacy, affection, and compassion.  You need to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.  Being married is about give and take but it is not fun when you are doing all the giving.  I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone you just have to open your eyes up to the possibilities.  Fate is a crazy thing and when you least expect it you will find someone that gives you all that you need.  I know that it is very easy to feel jaded after a divorce but do not give up on the chance for true love and happiness that you so deserve.  You just need to love smarter.  Do not ever settle.  You know what are you looking for and it is ok to be picky to find that one right person. 

Alexa’s Mom

I have to say that the hardest thing about getting divorced was that I do not get to see my little angel everyday.  In the beginning we had her for a full week each but I just could not go a week without seeing her.  Now it is much better and I have her Monday and Tuesday, her dad has her Wednesday and Thursday, and we both have her every other Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  That seems to be the best for everyone.  She gets to see both of during the week and we both have our days during the week when we can errands done when we do not have Alexa.  It was not easy to leave since I am the one who asked for the divorce I moved out of our house.  Alexa had a really hard time with the fact that I was not there every night.  I know that many of you had this thought at some point that you should stay for the kids.  I have to tell you that I do not think this is smart.  Kids can sense when you are not happy.  Of course I thought about Alexa when I was getting ready to leave but I could not let that make me stay.  I was very unhappy and did not like who I was becoming with my ex-husband.  I did not want Alexa to think that was how a marriage was supposed to be.  I want her to know that she has two parents that love her more than she could ever need.  Just because her mom and dad where not together did not change that.